Raise Your Hand if You’re Sick of the Bacon Hype

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Let me start by saying I like bacon as much as the next gal.

I get the allure. It’s sweet and smoky and salty and meaty. There is no smell more intoxicating than that of bacon cooking. It is understandably the gateway meat that brings vegetarians back in the fold.

But come on people. Enough with the silly bacon love.

It’s easy to see how we got here.

Food has become so complicated. Is it cage-free, grass-fed, and heart healthy? How about fairly-traded, organic, sustainable, and ocean-safe? You want the antioxidents and probiotics but not the high fructose and trans fats– or is it the other way around?

There is no ambiguity with bacon. It is unequivocally, unredeemably, uncompromisingly, unapologetically unhealthy. It’s the unfiltered cigarette of the kitchen. And like the adolescent rebellion of the teenage smoker, professing bacon love is to thumb your nose at the rules. It’s telling the world that you can still think for yourself, political correctness and cholesterol be damned. You drive a Volvo and support public radio but you still have an edge.

Where did we go wrong?

The Wake’n Bacon alarm clock starts cooking at the appointed hour—please, let’s at least hold off until we’re fully conscious.

Bacon toilet paper. Words fail.

Bacon Shoes— just the thing for Rosh Hashonah.

Bacon Wallet— we get it, you’re bringing home the bacon.

Bacon Dental Floss, Lip Balm, and Breath Mints—you must really love your dog.

Bacon Tattoos. Bacon is forever. And ever.

And then there’s the food.

There was a kind of anti-status attached to the first wave of bacon-mania. Homey and egalitarian, it was a bit of reverse snobbery aimed at effete foodie-ism. Bacon cookery might have been gratuitous, even excessive, but it was a sincere expression of bacon love, with maybe a wink and a nod toward the inside joke of its kitschiness.

The culinary uses of bacon took a wrong turn somewhere between the early buzz and the later frenzy. We have bacon bourbon, bacon marshmallows, bacon coffee, and bacon popcorn. There’s bacon salt and bacon mayonnaise for when you just can’t squeeze in anymore bacon. When bacon cupcakes started showing up, it was clear that we had strayed into self-parody.

It’s time to stop the madness.

There are plenty of other foods that are worthy of our attention. Let’s not wait to see what depraved and ungodly form bacon will take next.

There’s a bumper sticker that reads : Everything tastes better with bacon. I’m here to tell you it lied.

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2 Responses to Raise Your Hand if You’re Sick of the Bacon Hype

  1. Excellent read, I just passed this onto a colleague who was doing a little research on that. And he actually bought me lunch because I found it for him smile So let me rephrase that: Thanks for lunch!

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