diversions

Nothing Says Merry Christmas Like Custom, Edible, and Anatomically Correct

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Your name on a Christmas stocking is so old school.
Custom gifts that use digital imaging and 3D printing will put a contemporary spin on personalized holiday gift-giving. 

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Choc-Edge will render your face (or Santa’s) in dark, milk, or white chocolate. Just send in a photo; custom molds start at $80.

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Parker’s Crazy Cookies turns your likeness into a caricature of fresh-baked goodness. The design process costs $25 for an initial proof and three revisions, and then you can order all the cookies you need for your holiday cookie swap.

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A 3D scanner maps you from head to toe to create a detailed silicone candy mold that renders you as a gummy mini-me .


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Fondant doppelgänger cake toppers aren’t just for June weddings. Like Butter creates plenty of custom, edible sculptures (starting at $60) in the days leading up to December 25th.

 

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Send in a photo and Chocolate Dreams will re-create it in chocolate. They’ve made a subspecialty of so-called exotic designs that they claim are ‘not for the fainthearted.’

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Give Just 18 Minutes to Our Most Critical Food Issues

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It’s nearly Thanksgiving; the whole country already has food on the brain.
Why not take 18 minutes out of the long holiday weekend and watch a food-focussed TED Talk?

For the uninitiated, TED Talks fall under the heading of ‘Ideas Worth Spreading.’
That’s the slogan of the TED (Technology, Entertainment, Design) Conferences that spawned the speaker series. Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and U2’s Bono were among the earliest presenters, and as the talks spread into topics of food policy, food politics, hunger, and nutrition, food-minded individuals like scientists, policymakers, chefs, and activists joined the list.

TED Talks are required to clock in at under 18 minutes.
These are big thinkers presenting big and often complex ideas. The time constraint challenges them to consider form and format, resulting in narrative arcs that engage and enlighten while remaining concise. TED Talks are often snappy, savvy, and powerful, and presenters often point to theirs as the best speech of a lifetime. 
Many are so compelling that even in a post-turkey tryptophan-induced stupor you should make it to the end.

A cheat sheet to some of the best of the food-focussed TED Talks:

Tipping Point author Malcolm Gladwell follows the food industry’s pursuit of the perfect spaghetti sauce to make a larger argument about the nature of choice and happiness.

See why 11-year old Birke Beahr says, ‘Now a while back, I wanted to be an NFL football player. I decided that I’d rather be an organic farmer instead.’

New Urbanist/Architect Carolyn Steel looks at the ways in which food has historically shaped our cities, and why our current relationship with food is severing that connection.

Chef Dan Barber begins by fretting about the fish choices on his menu and ends falling in love with a fish.

Michael Pollan speaks from the plant perspective in a TED Talk that leaves us questioning Darwinism and human consciousness.

 

TED Talks are always free and can be accessed through a multitude of apps and media outlets including YouTube, iTunes, Netflix, and the TED website.
Visit TED for links to all the different ways you can watch.

 

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And You Thought Tofurkey was as Weird as Thanksgiving Could Get

Just when we’re recovering from the fall onslaught of pumpkin spice flavored everything, here come the Thanksgiving flavors.

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Have the saddest Thanksgiving ever with the poultry version of everyone’s favorite block of porky luncheon meat.

 

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You won’t end up with a sink full of dirty dishes when you serve Thanksgiving dinner in a cone. Seasonal flavors from Portland, Oregon’s Salt & Straw ice cream shop include sweet potato casserole, corn pudding, hazelnut rosemary stuffing, and goat cheese pumpkin pie. The entrée scoop features fried turkey skin brittle in a base of turkey fat caramel.

medium_image-54662ffb4170701480030400-coalescedYou can replicate the entire feast in potato chips. Boulder Canyon Foods has a lineup that includes cranberry, stuffing, turkey and gravy, and pumpkin pie, all in chip form.

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New York’s Zucker Bakery doesn’t stop at a little pumpkin glaze for their Thanksgiving donuts. Try sweet potato with marshmallow or spiced pumpkin filled with gravy.

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Pumpkin pie Pop-Tarts make their annual appearance. Pumpkin appears too, if only as a trace (<2%) ingredient.

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Thanksgiving beverage pairing hasn’t been the same since the Jones Soda Company discontinued its legendary holiday pack. The assortment varied from year-to-war, but think green bean casserole, buttered mashed potato, and Turkey & Gravy, all rendered in sugary carbonation. There are readily available alternatives like Pinnacle‘s pumpkin pie vodka and the sweet potato lager from Fullsteam BreweryOr you can always order up another round of pumpkin spice lattés.

 

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A Device that Distills Coca-Cola into Clean Drinking Water

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The Real Thing is a Dutch art installation that challenges us to think about priorities within our consumerist culture.
The multidisciplinary artist Helmut Smits sought to make a statement about “a world in which drinking water can be harder to come by than Coca-Cola.” With input from the Synthetic Organic Chemistry group of the University of Amsterdam, he created a reverse osmosis filtration system that turns a bottle of Coke into a purified bottle of clean water.

Coca-Cola is everywhere.
The company likes to brag that it operates in more countries than the United Nations (200 to the UN’s 192). Coca-Cola’s network of bottlers is the world’s largest and most widespread production and distribution system. It’s estimated that 95% of the world’s population can identify an unlabeled Coke bottle just by its iconic (and patented) contoured shape.

Coca-Cola’s reach extends to even the dustiest little towns in the most remote regions of every continent. The residents might not have access to potable water, but they have Coke. They have Coke in drought-stricken regions of India, even though the production of a liter bottle of Coca-Cola can use up to nine liters of clean drinking water. They have Coke in impoverished regions of Africa, where Coca-Cola is the beverage of choice because it’s priced below the cost of clean water.

Coca-Cola has been trying to spruce up its image, championing various sustainability and community-building initiatives.
Critics see the effort as window dressing; a fleeting social commitment of convenience while billions continue to flow to advertising in developing countries.
The Real Thing installation reminds us that residents of the world’s poorest nations need a lot of things, but they don’t need a Coke.

 

 

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Why Feminists have Demonized Michael Pollan

 

image via Sacred Cows Make the Best Hamburgers

image via Sacred Cows Make the Best Hamburgers

 

Food is, without a doubt, a feminist issue.
Of course it’s inherently a human issue, but women have uniquely complicated—too often tortured, even—relationships with food. And now the DIY ethos is adding a new wrinkle to the gendered dynamics of mealtime.

Women, especially young women in their 20’s and 30’s, are embracing a new kind of domesticity. The 21st century preoccupations of backyard chicken-keeping, artisan food businesses, and grassroots food activism are dominated by female practitioners. While men still rule in professional kitchens making up 93% of executive chefs, women spend three times as many hours in home kitchens as the men in their lives, making 93% of food purchases and cooking 78% of dinners.

Feminists versus Femivores
This new breed of crack homemakers is disparagingly labeled as femivores. They’re seen as opting out of feminist causes to focus on canning local peaches and raising gluten-free children. These are the passionate, educated, progressive-minded women who, in an earlier era, would have been marching on Washington and pushing against the glass ceiling at work. Instead, they’re organizing cookie swaps and campaigning to legalize raw milk.

Michael Pollan is the feminists’ whipping boy.
The publication of Pollan’s The Omnivore’s Dilemma is considered a turning point for feminism. A manifesto for the new age of homesteading, it’s the touchstone for new domestics, giving social legitimacy to tomato-canning, bread-baking, and stay-at-home motherhood. Since the burden of homemaking has, for time immemorial, fallen to women, feminists charge Pollan with giving rise to a new form of enforced domesticity that’s as insidious and as detrimental to the economic lives of women as the social constructs of the 1950’s.

Is Michael Pollan a Sexist Pigas a Salon headline asked, or is it the more nuanced Femivore’s Dilemma, put forth by The New York Times? The debate rages on in the femisphere. 
Here are some of the best blogs that explore food politics through a feminist lens: 
The Feminist Kitchen
The F Words (food & feminism)
Sistah Vegan
New Domesticity

 

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Madison Avenue Makes Way for a Girl


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The Morton Salt Girl beat back the Keebler Elf, the Energizer Bunny, Mr. Clean, and the Jolly Green Giant to take her place among the most celebrated icons of advertising.
They were all vying to be this year’s inductee to the Madison Avenue Advertising Walk of Fame. The winner was announced in conjunction with Advertising Week, the industry’s annual, New York-based celebration of ads and agencies.

The Morton Salt Girl was the odds-on favorite in this year’s contest.
The umbrella-toting miss is celebrating her hundredth anniversary this year and she wasn’t shy about playing the nostalgia card for publicity. She teamed up with another century-old icon for the double centennial celebration of Morton Salt Girl Day at Wrigley Field, and has been strutting her stuff from coast to coast for 100 Parties.100 Cities.100 Days

Little Salt Girl; big social media maven.
A few years ago the Walk of Fame selection process shifted from the advertising community to a public vote, landing squarely in the Morton Salt Girl’s wheelhouse. Her classic pose was endlessly repinned on Pinterest pages and copied for an Instagram look-alike competition. Her timeless yet constantly evolving image was profiled in a sentimental YouTube documentary.  And she furiously worked to get out the vote on Facebook and Twitter, imploring her fans with the campaign slogan Make it rain! Make it pour! Vote Morton Salt Girl and raise her score! The elf, the bunny, and the bald man didn’t stand a chance.

The Morton Salt Girl broke through the glass ceiling to join her male counterparts on the Walk of Fame.
Just one other woman has made it—the weirdly enthusiastic Flo of Progressive Insurance got the nod in 2012. Certainly nobody expected to see a young girl rise from the old boys’ network of the food sector, with its long list of male inductees that includes esteemed heavyweights like Mr. Peanut, Colonel Sanders, Orville Redenbacher, Tony the Tiger, Juan Valdez, and the Pillsbury Dough Boy.

The Morton Salt Girl (and yes, that is her only name) has increased brand awareness, generated revenue, and withstood the test of time. Now she’ll have a permanent place on New York’s sidewalks. You can visit her along with the other iconic figures of branding at the Advertising Walk of Fame on Madison Avenue between 42nd and 50th Street.

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Covert Coffee: The CIA Starbucks and More

ultra top secret mug available at Zazzle.com

ultra top secret mug available at Zazzle.com

 

The Washington Post spilled the beans on National Coffee Day with a profile of a Starbucks that’s secreted away within the CIA’s Langley, Virginia headquarters.
You won’t find it on the coffee company’s store locator and your GPS will come up empty. It’s known simply as Store Number 1, or familiarly as the Stealthy Starbucks.

The Post reports that it looks like every other Starbucks with its framed coffee posters and comfy armchairs. It sells the same lattés and iced lemon poundcake as every other Starbucks, and the same soft rock soundtrack floats in the background. It’s one of the busiest locations in the chain—nobody’s popping in and out of the highly secured facility to pick up something at Dunkin’ Donuts.

Security prevails at Store Number 1.
Noses aren’t buried in Facebook feeds since personal cellphones are a security risk. Rewards cards are also out since the data could be leaked. And even though baristas go through extensive background checks and are sworn to secrecy (they can only say I work for Starbucks in a federal building), they can’t ask for their customers’ names.

Of course it’s unlikely that a barista could really blow a secret agent’s cover.
Starbucks’ name butchery is legendary: the cashier scrawls it on a cup, the barista calls it out, and with figures crossed you go to pick up a beverage that might or might not be yours. It’s as if your name went a few rounds with AutoCorrect: Amanda becomes Tammy, Andrew becomes Stanley, and God help you if your name is Gaelic in origin, has more than two syllables, or rhymes with any part of the female anatomy.

Starbucks also operates a handful of covert cafés in New York City.
While many university campuses, hospitals, and office buildings have Starbucks outlets that aren’t technically open to the public, most won’t exactly refuse a paying customer. There a a few locked-down exceptions like the Starbucks in the New York Stock Exchange and one that serves the regional offices of MI6. CIA-level clearances are fitting for cafés that rub up against national security interests and sensitive global markets. But some of the tightest security and most limited access—even the Washington Post couldn’t talk their way into this one—is found at 1740 Broadway, where the Starbucks serves the New York headquarters of Victoria’s Secret.

 

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From Food Blogger to Cookbook Author

t-shirt available at Zazzle.com

t-shirt available at Zazzle.com

It’s the brass ring, the golden ticket, and the winning lottery numbers all rolled into one.    
Not every food blogger wants a cookbook deal, but it’s always a win when a publisher comes calling.

It’s been a long and lonely slog.
Sometimes blogging can seem so pointless. Even when readership is significant and loyal, it’s just one more blog among the thousands. At some point every blogger wonders if anyone would notice if they just packed it in. There are plenty of bloggers out there that are ready to take your place in readers’ mailboxes and news feeds. Would you even be missed?

A book deal screams, Don’t stop!    
It validates all the bathrobe-clad hours at the keyboard. Readers don’t just like you—they want more. And a cookbook deal—that means that your recipes are coming to life in readers’ kitchens. Somehow, your blog has convinced a publisher that the public is even willing to shell out good money for your culinary musings. Go ahead and pinch yourself.

Here are the latest winners of the blog-to-cookbook sweepstakes.
They all come from longtime bloggers with 2014 release dates.

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Thug Kitchen explodes the myth of the mild-mannered vegan with a kick to your narrow dietary minded ass. The cookbook irreverently blends a penchant for profanity (motto: eat like you give a f**k) with recipes like lime-cauliflower tacos and pumpkin chili. 

 

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The Kitchn began life as the food blog from Apartment Therapy, a home decorating and lifestyle blog, but has gone on to attract its own audience of 14 million visitors a month. Appropriately, The Kitchn Cookbook is equally devoted to recipes and to something the authors re calling a handbook to a happy kitchen.

 

100DaysRealFoodLogoThere’s a popular notion that you can achieve just about anything if you give it 100 days of effort. Sites like 100 Day Challenge and Give It 100 share tales of people learning a musical instrument, climbing Everest, hitting home runs, and becoming debt-free, all from three months of practice, discipline, and accountability. Now we have the 100 Days of Real Food Cookbook , which tells the story (with recipes) of one family that took a three-month pledge that transformed their relationship with food by giving up white flour, white sugar, and anything packaged and processed with more than five ingredients.

The Skinnytaste Cookbook- Light on Calories, Big on Flavor

 

When The Skinny Taste began in 2006, the blog’s creator was experimenting with dishes that would help her lose a few pre-wedding pounds. Fans of the site rave about its appealing, low-fat riffs on typically high-fat dishes like pizza and cheesy baked pastas, and rigorous recipe testing that guarantees success in home kitchens. This fall’s cookbook is mostly new recipes plus a few favorites from the blog.

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Not everyone waits for a publisher. The creator of The Yellow Table blog went the self-publishing route, funding her dinner party cookbook through an over-subscribed Kickstarter campaign—$16,000 beyond her $50,000 goal. She documented the entire process of creating the Yellow Table Cookbook through a five-month blog series called The Cookbook Diaries.

And vice versa 
Check out Delicious Days’ list of food writers and cookbook authors who followed up a publishing career by starting a food blog.

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Plenty of Giga-Bites at Supper Clubs for Tech Luminaries

 

secret handshake (members only)  via Pragmatic Obots Unite

secret handshake (members only) via Pragmatic Obots Unite

 

The tech elite meet to eat at power supper clubs.
Last week’s inaugural gathering of the Silicon Alley Supper Club drew tech influencers from the New York offices of Google, CNN, Studio Industries, Facebook, Buzzfeed, Mashable, Kottke.org, It’s On Me, Krux, Food + Tech Connect, Tech Cocktail, ThriveMenu, and Blue Apron. It joins the ecommerce-oriented CEO Supper Club and the ultra-exclusive outings held by the west coast’s Silicon Valley Supper Club.

They’re the latest in a long line of exclusive and often secret societies favored by each era’s masters of the universe.
From Freemasons and Opus Dei to college fraternities and the TED conferences, like-minded individuals of similar calibre have always gathered for social discourse, mentorship, philanthropy, or to conduct their business in darkened back rooms and exert a mysterious influence on our culture. In the case of the tech leaders’ supper clubs, they also gather to eat.

Think Skull and Bones without the ivy, or Bilderberg without the conspiracy theories.
These are tech events without an online presence. There are no Facebook pages for these clubs. You can’t make your reservations through Open Table and you won’t find mentions in the attendees’ Twitter feeds. Most hush-hush of the new-school supper clubs is the Silicon Valley group. It’s a who’s who of Palo Alto’s power elite where Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer, Apple SVP Jony Ive, PayPal cofounder Max Levchin, LinkedIn chairman Reid Hoffman, Pinterest CEO Ben Silbermann, Quora CEO Adam D’Angelo, and SurveyMonkey CEO Dave Goldberg have all been seated around a single table. These should be headline-making assemblages, and they’ve been holding them about once a month for years, yet there’s no social media trail.

The new supper clubs are unique among secret societies in their singular devotion to good eating.
There’s synergy and symmetry between food and technology. They’re the twin cultural pillars of the New York and Bay Area communities where so many startups are incubate. They’re the twin preoccupations of today’s diverse and well-educated workforce, and the signature perk of employment in the tech sector.
Even Alice Waters tweets.

The supper clubs have convened in venues both posh and homey.
Food met technology at The Silicon Alley kickoff where Los Angeles and New York chefs collaborated on a dumpling and crudo event held in the offices of
  The Daily Meal, and the Silicon Valley group has gathered in a parking lot filled with food trucks, had drinks in the dugout and dinner in the locker room of AT&T Park, and trekked up to Wine Country for a blowout dinner at The French Laundry. 

You can grumble about the elitism of the supper clubs, or envy their privileged access to prized tables and chefs, but these are our leaders, visionaries, and innovators. They should be eating well. 

 

 

 

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Dining on Mars: The Reviews are In

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A NASA crew of simulated Mars-dwellers returned to Earth last week and they were pretty sick of the food.

This was the second of four planned HI-SEAS missions, an acronym for Hawaii Space Exploration Analog and Simulation. The space agency sent six volunteers to live for four months inside a mock Mars base camp atop the Mauna Loa volcano. It’s an isolated location at an elevation of approximately 8,200 feet above sea level with a Mars-like terrain, less the 3.711 m/s² gravity. The crew spent 120 days inside the 1,000 square foot geodesic dome exiting once each week in simulated spacesuits.

The missions are designed by NASA’s Human Research Program seeking insight into the quality of life issues that will keep astronauts happy and healthy on extended missions in space. Not surprisingly, food is a primary focus of the simulations.

Some surprising ingredients fill the HI-SEAS pantry.
To make the cut, foods need to be compact, shelf-stable, and require minimal water in preparation. Of course there was Tang and the expected space-food pouches of freeze-dried processed meals, but the crew also brought along things like pepperoni, crystallized ginger, dried shitake mushrooms, miso paste, polenta, truffle oil, and anchovies, all in the same form you’d find in an earth-bound kitchen.

Textured vegetable protein loaf again?
The HI-SEAS crews have learned a lot about menu fatigue. Eggs and cheese come in crystal or powdered form, and fruits and vegetables are sliced, diced, and freeze-dried. Most of their protein comes from meat analogs created out of soy, gluten, and multi-purpose textured vegetable protein, with names like chickenish and baconish.

The crews of both missions had a nearly universally complaint: textural monotony.
There are no chips to dip or carrot sticks to munch on, no juicy burgers or spare ribs to gnaw. Frying is forbidden and crumbs are discouraged in the dome where equipment and instruments can become filmed with grease or clogged with debris. Combined with all the preserved and processed ingredients, it adds up to 4 months with no crispy, crunchy, crackly, crustiness.

Food bloggers in space
The crew members of HI-SEAS2 share recipes, food pics, kitchen tours, and more on the HI-SEAS.org website.
The next simulated mission, HI-SEAS3, takes off in October and will run for eight months.

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Celebrity Chefs Storm the Pet Food Aisle

 

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Those new Fancy Feast Broths don’t look half bad.
Then again, they come from a chef who’s cooked in the kitchens of Chez Panisse, French Laundry, and El Bulli.
If you prefer you can feed your dog Pup Casserole from a five-time James Beard Foundation Best Chef nominee or take a course in kibble from a Le Cordon Bleu-trained culinary instructor. Bravo’s Top Chef All-Stars winner Richard Blais is behind the stove at Purina, Rachael Ray has her Delish line of dog and cat food, and Thomas Keller sells Bouchon Bakery dog biscuits enriched with foie gras and chicken stock.
It’s the era of the pet food celebrity chef.

doggyicecreamWe’ve projected our foodie-isms onto our pets.
Pet food now comes in locally-sourced, seasonal, kosher, halal, organic, vegan, and slow food varieties. Specialty bakeries peddle treats like bacon macaroons and peanut butter pupcakes, while food trucks with punny names like Poochi Sushi and Mobile Muttballs roll through neighborhoods and downtown streets drawing four-legged foodies with cat meows and cow moos played over PA systems. Celebrity chefs for dogs—why not?

Chef-owned pets: a rarified breed.
What self-respecting cook can bring themselves to serve any old canned slop to a beloved pet when there’s a nice osso buco bubbling away on the stove? The Culinary Canine: Great Chefs Cook for Their Dogs – And So Can You! asked 30 top chefs to share recipes of their dogs’ favorite dishes. New York restaurateur/Iron Chef Anita Lo has a pair of Shih Tzus that sup on bluefish filet with roasted yams, peas, and bacon. The Today Show’s ‘Chef Harry’ Schwartz soothes his dog’s irritable bowel syndrome with oatmeal-‘truffled’ pan-browned pork medallions. Bay Area Zagat favorite Alan Carlson serves his mixed-breed brined and smoked chickens and 72-hour braised short ribs; and a delicate small plate of poached chicken with blueberries is just right for the tiny Chihuahua owned by San Francisco’s Michelin-starred Dominique Crenn .

Let’s not forget that this is not really about our pets.
Chef-branded pet foods play into our own culinary sensibilities and fascination with celebrities. The fact is that dogs and cats have a mere fraction of our taste buds and very different sensory receptors. They’ll eat pretty much anything, from a pizza crust discarded on a filthy sidewalk to the used Tidy Cat in a litter box.  

 

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When Food is the Vacation

shop-food-festival

 

Let’s cut to the chase.
Sure, you can sit on a beach or breathe in the clean mountain air. You can tromp through museums and national parks, or get your thrills at a theme park. But you know that what you really look forward to on your vacation is the food.

What if the food is the vacation? 
Food and wine festivals are in season. Late summer and fall are prime time for culinary tourism. You can partake of local delicacies, attend a demonstration or masterclass, or rub shoulders with a celebrity chef. There are farm dinners, winemakers’ dinners, and festivals of food trucks. And it all takes place in the company of like-minded food lovers.

Delicious destinations:
There’s a celebration of Maine lobsterpersimmons in Indiana, Sheboygan bratwurst, and chiles in Santa Fe. Any region, any tastes: the toughest part is choosing. To help you decide:

Food Reference is a comprehensive list of events, expos, agricultural fairs, and food and beverage festivals, searchable by date, nation, or U.S. state. It currently lists 8,400 events in 128 countries.

The Big, World-Wide List of Festivals focuses on beer, wine, and spirits.

Eventbrite.com curates a listing of smaller food-related events like classes, workshops, lectures, tasting, and films, many geared toward food industry professionals.

For stay-cationersLocal Wine Events can find something closer to home.

 

 

 

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Is ‘Orange Is The New Black’ really just a cooking show set in prison?

 

image via Lionsgate Television

image via Lionsgate Television

 

The question was first posed on Digg, further probed on Slate, and is hotly debated in fan sites and viewer forums.
In the first season, Netflix released recipe cards for some of Red’s iconic dishes from the Litchfield Penitentiary. The show’s producers announced the fall publication of Orange Is the New Black: The Cookbook. And this summer the Crazy Pyes dessert truck will be touring through cities in the U.S. and Mexico.
Maybe we already have our answer.

The culinary motif serves as character development.
Flashbacks of a juice fast and a heritage breed turkey at Thanksgiving tell us everything we need to know about Piper’s privileged, pre-prison, boho-Brooklyn lifestyle. It’s a shorthand reveal to the class and cultural differences that we understand will make prison so jarring and traumatic for someone like Piper. We see the flip side in another inmate, Taystee Jefferson, whose nickname comes from her love of a cheap treat dispensed from urban ice cream trucks. Taystee is so comfortable in the prison setting that she sabotages her own parole so that her release is revoked and she can return to Litchfield.

The kitchen is the seat of prison power.
Piper learns early on that it’s not about pleasing the warden or the guards; her fate is really in the hands of  Red, the hard-edged Russian mob-connected inmate who runs the prison’s kitchen. Soon after her arrival Piper crosses Red by criticizing the food. Piper is starved out until she begins to understand the social order and the need to adapt and capitulate in order to survive.

Food is the show’s currency.
In real world prisons, instant ramen noodles are estimated to be an $80 million underground economy as the currency of the incarcerated. At Litchfield Penitentiary, Snickers bars can buy an abortion, a coconut cake can be traded for sexual favors, Krispy Kreme donuts buy the election to the prison’s advisory council, and Alex tries to buy Piper’s forgiveness with cornbread. The prison value of a well-made dessert inspired the cafeteria outburst that inspired the Crazy Pyes truck: hoping to make Piper her ‘prison wife,’ the inmate known as Crazy Eyes throws pie at a rival. When Piper rejects her advances, Crazy Eyes describes the lengths she’d gone to win Piper’s heart with the already-classic breakup line: “I threw my pie for you!”

TV characters have always inspired food-based kinships with  their viewers.
Published decades after Andy of Mayberry went off the air, Aunt Bee’s Mayberry Cookbook was a genuine hit, selling 900,000 copies. Jerry Seinfeld raised the profile of the babka and the Sex and the City characters help turn Magnolia Bakery into a global cupcake powerhouse. Unlike those loving culinary tributes Orange is the New Black’s prison food chic pushes the boundaries of good taste, both literally and metaphorically. A former inmate of the Federal Prison Camp in Danbury that’s fictionalized in the series is protesting what she perceives as exploitation of the incarcerated. She’s organizing demonstrations at Crazy Pyes appearances, which you can track through her twitter handle @PrisonGray053, which references the last three digits of her inmate ID number.

You can experience the real thing at a handful of prisons across the country that open their cafeterias and visitor centers to the public (once you’ve passing the metal detector, security clearance, and relinquished contraband and your drivers license) like the  Yelp-reviewed Fife and Drum at the minimum-security Northeast Correctional Center in Concord, MA, and Trenton, NJ’s (In)Mates Inn, with its 14 FourSquare check-ins. You can also book weddings and bar mitzvahs held on the prison grounds and catered by the incarcerated courtesy of the Garden State Correctional Facility in Yardville, NJ.

Or look for one of Philadelphia’s Eastern State Penitentiary’s Prison Food Weekends.
This year’s popular annual event at the historic prison-turned-museum served up Nutraloaf, the controversial dish that’s dole out as a disciplinary action to rule-breaking inmates in place of regular meals. It’s a food so vile that its constitutionality as a cruel and unusual punishment has been successfully challenged in the supreme courts of nearly a dozen states. Admission included samples of Nutraloaf variations from different regional penal systems, served with recipes and tasting notes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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If You Only Get One Fart App

Mr. Nice Hands

Mr. Nice Hands

 

Go on, search for fart app.
You’ll be stunned by what you find (assuming you’re not a 9-year old boy and this is a first for that particular search term). At last count the App Store was offering 1,068. There’s iFart, U-Fart, and Who Farted?? There are motion-detecting fart apps, random fart generators, and apps that let you compose melodies with a farting orchestra. Even Google Glass has its own GlassFart app.

Flatulence humor is universal and timeless. It’s a frequent comedic device in the ancient plays of Aristophanes, and one of Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales is basically an extended fart joke. Modern humorists from Mel Brooks to the South Park guys to Louis C.K. have all mined the comedy gold of wind breaking. With fart app technology, the mobile engineering brain trust is leveraging the applied science of accelerometers, GPS, bluetooth, and digital audio loops to give us the 21st century whoopie cushion. 

Amid the juvenilia of apps like SimonSaysFart, the FartHarmonica, and BunnyFarts (available in StinkyWinky or SmellyMelly editions), one app stands out by creating a teaching moment with the appeal of scatological humor. Fart Code scans the barcode of any food label to identify the farty ingredients within. The app’s fartometer determines the gas-producing potential; benign foods get the all-clear signal, while active ingredients produce fart noises and vibrations emulating the appropriate digestive response ranked on a scale from stinky to toxic. If you are a 9-year old boy, you can share a link to your fart with your social network. The rest of us might just take it as actionable data for menu planning.

 

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Oh, The Things You Can Do with Marshmallows

Imagine a world without marshmallows. 
It would be a world without Moon Pies, Mallomars, or Rocky Road ice cream. No Peeps, no fluffernutters, no more s’mores. Rice Krispies would be strictly a breakfast food, never a treat. Yams would be a lot less candied, and Lucky Charms would be just a bowl of frosted oat bits. Who’d be lucky then? Certainly not us.

For too long we’ve been taking marshmallows for granted.
And we’re not just overlooking them in the kitchen. Marshmallows are good for much more. So much more.

The Marshmallow Pedicure
Who needs cotton balls or those sponge foam toe separators when there are marshmallows about? A marshmallow between each toe makes polishing nails a breeze.

Marshmallow Rx 
Long before it was a candy, marshmallow was a medicine. The gel-like juice of the marshmallow shrub coats and soothes inflamed throats, and improves coughs by encouraging the loosening of mucus. In clinical trials, marshmallow was shown to be more effective than two out of three commonly used cough syrups.
Marshmallow similarly coats the lining of the esophagus and stomach. It shields them from the effects of stomach acid, making it a remedy for acid reflux, heartburn, and ulcers. And you can apply marshmallow salve to your skin to repair stretch marks, heal cold sores, and draw bacteria and fluids out of abscesses.

Marshmallow Candleholder
Protect your birthday cake from the unsightly and inedible trickle of candle wax. Stick the candles in marshmallows first and you’ll avoid picking wax out of frosting later.

No More Leaky Cones
Don’t you hate it when the point of an ice cream cone leaks melty ice cream? Place a marshmallow in the bottom of the cone before you add the ice cream, and you’ll be drip-free.

 

marshmallowbrownsugarSoften Brown Sugar
Brown sugar seems to harden overnight. One day it pours and the next it’s a solid clump. Add a few marshmallows to the opened bag or box and they’ll absorb the excess moisture that causes the granules to clump.

White Floppy Chef Hat

Marshmallow Glue
It’s like culinary duct tape. Melt a few marshmallows and it becomes edible glue for all your baking fixes. It’s what wedding cake bakers use to fix cracks, bond together cake tiers, and keep the little bride and groom cake toppers from tipping over.

Not too shabby for nothing more than sugar and air.

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Young Men Are Digging the Dirt

image via Giddy Limits

image via Giddy Limits

 

← This is the average American gardener.
She’s over 45 years old and there is a 79% chance that she’s college educated. She spends an average of five hours a week and $70 a year on her hobby, mostly at garden centers. She almost certainly grows tomatoes.

 

This is the new American gardener. 

image via Williamsburg News

image via Williamsburg News

 

 

 

 

He’s between 18 and 34. He’s not puttering in his own backyard but in the yard of his rental or maybe a community garden. In fact he’s not puttering at all because he’s busy taking on the industrialized food system.

These new gardeners and have little in common with the ladies in floppy sun hats. They plant more intensively in much smaller spaces (96 square feet versus the typical old-school garden of 600 square feet) and spend lavishly (an average of $440), plunking down more in hardware stores than other gardeners. They pass on herbicides, pesticides, and ornamental plantings and have created a boom market for hot peppers and beer hops.

Gardening rates have exploded in the past five years with participation up from 36 million households in 2008 to 42 million in 2013.
Five million of those new gardeners came from the 18-34 year old age group, with young men (6 million) quickly gaining on young women (7 million), and most of those are first-time gardeners. Fully 35% of all households in America are now growing food at home or in a community garden. Garden purchases are a top priority for discretionary spending, ranking third after Christmas and weight loss-related purchases; they’re in second place if you throw in the $7 billion spent on garden gnomes and other decorative accessories.

Read more about recent trends in the National Gardening Association’s Garden to Table report on the last five years of food gardening America.
The Art of Manliness enumerates 7 Reasons to Become a Gentleman Gardener.
Read some true life tales of gardening lads who blog:
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Thousands Go Hungry as Instagram Crashes

via The Meta Picture

via The Meta Picture

 

It was around 1:30 pm on Saturday when Instagram, the mobile photo-sharing platform, experienced a worldwide outage.
Selfies went un-shared, cats did the cutest things that you’ll never get to see, and cruelest of all, no food photos could be posted just as weekend brunch time was peaking.

The thwarted Instagrammers found a supportive community on the still-working Twitter where they soon sent #instagramnotworking to the top of the trending topics. Much of the turmoil was centered around a philosophical conundrum not unlike the classic inquiry into perception and reality posed by the question: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

Screen Shot 2014-04-16 at 12.49.53 PM

There were expressions of anger

Screen Shot 2014-04-16 at 1.11.52 PM

and of frustration

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Some tweeted out tales of resilience and ingenuity

Screen Shot 2014-04-16 at 1.42.35 PM Screen Shot 2014-04-16 at 2.17.34 PM

and others completely folded under the pressure

Screen Shot 2014-04-16 at 1.26.03 PM

Socrates once said that the unexamined life is not worth living. In the wake of the Instagram Crash of 2014, we have to ask: what about the unexamined meal?

 
 
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The Food Porn Index Asks: Kale or Cronuts?

Foodpornindex

 

Without the internet the cronut would be but a gleam in Dominique Ansel’s eye, bacon would be a lowly breakfast meat, and the ramen burger would have stayed on its own side of the Brooklyn Bridge.
Nothing can blow up a food phenomenon like the internet. Social media gave traction to introductions like the Taco Bell Dorito-chipped taco (a billion sold in its first year) and Tastykake’s Birthday Kake Cupcake flavor (21 million photos and hashtags in its first 2 weeks), and even gave kale its 15 minutes of internet fame.
The Food Porn Index wants to see more kale, fewer cupcakes.

The Food Porn Index tracks the food we’re sharing online.
It trawls Twitter and Instagram looking for hashtagged mentions of fruits, vegetables, junk food, and keywords like ‘snack,’ ‘condiment,’ and ‘fried,’ tallying a few hundred million in the six weeks since the site launched. It keeps a realtime count of two dozen items and regularly updates the standings as the numbers toggle between healthy and unhealthy foods.

It’s lively, mesmerizing, and well-worth a few minutes of your time. It might even be good for you—according to a Harris Interactive poll conducted in conjunction with the site launch, of Americans who use social media, 51% claim that seeing photos of fruits and vegetables motivates them to eat healthier.

 

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Caffeinated Communal Cat Companionship

image via Chonostöff

image via Chonostöff

 

There are a lot of obstacles on the path to opening the first U.S. cat cafés.
Cat allergy sufferers and animal welfare organizations need to be placated. There are health codes to navigate. And of course there’s the matter of the litter boxes.

What, you might be wondering, are cat cafés?
A cat café is just what it sounds like: a hot beverage, a little nosh, and a whole bunch of kitty cats. Popular in Japan—40 in Tokyo alone, at last count— the bizarre trend first spread to about a dozen European cities and now it’s arrived on our shores. The Bay Area is leading the way with the soon to be open Cat Town Café in Oakland and San Francisco’s KitTea, while Los Angeles, Portland (OR), Montreal, and Vancouver have cat café projects in various stages of development.

In Japanese cities, where household pets are a rarity, the cafés are seen as a kind of relaxation therapy. There are specialty cat cafés featuring specific breeds, or just black cats, or all fat cats. Japan also has rabbit cafés and goat cafés, and currently there’s a penguin bar craze sweeping the country. The phenomenon travels remarkably well: Paris’ Le Café des Chats is already a roaring success with weekend slots booked up to three weeks in advance, and in London, within hours of the announced opening, the website for Lady Dinah’s Cat Emporium crashed as 3,000 cat fanciers tried to book at once.

Commingling the species.
Some locales permit customers to mingle freely, cappuccino in hand, with the felines in residence, while other health codes require a separation between food-ordering areas and cat-interaction space. All of the cafés have human-free zones to enable kitty timeouts for the inevitable bouts of hissing, shedding, hairballs, or other calls of nature. The best of them maintain strict human-animal ratios and keep tabs on feline happiness through cat behavioral consultants.

Now if we could just do something about all those LOL cat memes…

 

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Place Your Bets: It’s Bracket Time

 

Bracketology Cake via Cloverfields Farm & Kitchen NCAA Basketball Tournament Recipe Booklet

Bracketology Cake via Cloverfields Farm & Kitchen NCAA Recipe Booklet

 

Why should basketball fans have all the fun?

Every year around this time food lovers and sports lovers are both overcome with the same impulse. I’m talking about their shared compulsion to turn everything into a tournament bracket. It’s blueberry vs. corn in March Muffin Madness and parm vs. wings in the Final Four of Chicken. There’s a beer bracket and a booze bracket, Munch Madness and Starch Madness, and a bracket ranking of the campus food for each of the NCAA tournament teams.

Some say the madness is out of control.
We have breakfast joints vying for Morning Meal Madness in San Antonio and Oklahomans choosing the top state fair food-on-a-stick for Food Fair MadnessAnd we hardly need a bracket to tell us that Thin Mints are the top dog of Girl Scout Cookies.

There are also some rather specious competitions out there.
There’s something fishy about the Southern Food Bracket over at Garden & Gun Magazine where Duke’s Mayonnaise bested Tabasco, and Moon Pies never made it out of the first round of southern brands. Then there’s the Bar Food Bracket: should Zagat voters really have the final word on fried pickles and jalapeño poppers? And who made the brackets in the Fruits and Vegetables Tournament? The banana pepper is a number one seed? Really?

Nothing ignites passions and stirs debate like the annual condiments tournament, this year’s courtesy of the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council. Past condiment contests have brought legendary matchups like ketchup vs. dijon mustard, and surprises like satay sauce’s unexpected run to the Elite Eight. We’ve been introduced to regional long-shots like chow chow and Pickapeppa, and they’re still debating Nutella’s 2011 disqualification for being an edible candy.

You can find more alternative brackets at Sports Grid’s meta Bracket of Brackets: In Which We Bracket All The Best Non-Basketball Brackets So Far, or create your own at The Bracketizer.

 

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